Is that jump on “3,” or do we say “3,” then jump?

My life to this point has been about as haphazard as the flight path of a Bombus, better known as a bumble bee. My family is full of drug addicts and petty criminals. To my knowledge, on my mother’s side I was only the second or third in history to graduate college with a B.S. degree. On my “father’s” side, well, he’s incarcerated for a host of felonies, thankfully none of which involve a sexual offense.



The only thing that has been certain in my life was my career choice. I’ve always wanted to be a police officer. It started early, probably with episodes of CHiPs, and expounded to an obsession of sorts. The cars and motorcycles, the sweet uniforms, the mirrored (g)Aviator shades, the guns, and the ladies; who wouldn’t want to be a COP?


Thankfully, in the mid-90s, shows like Jerry Springer and Rikki Lake dominated morning and afternoon television. Unprecedented legions of the unemployed and Social Security dependant mouth-breathers feasted on the mindless drivel. The theories of social etiquette and courtesy were thrown to the wolves, and replaced with a belief of “I am the loudest; I win” mentality. This equated to job security for me and my like-minded band of masochists, who dedicate themselves to the service of others; most of the time which is spent serving in vain.


There is an aura of mystery and awe surrounding a police officer. Many people have only experienced the “enforcement” side. These are the people who, when I meet them for the first time in a pub, they inundate me with a never-ending torrent of “what ifs” and “well my brother, this one time” questions. What you’ll see here is what I feed those people, hoping to create an understanding. I don’t need approval, I just hope somebody understands ME for who I am; I am a person, not a badge.


What I’m hoping to accomplish here is to provide a window into the mind of one, not all, officers of the law. You may not like what you see or hear, but it’s the truth; take it or leave it. The stories will be true, with a twist of my own thought, and, obviously from my own perspective. As you are probably reading it alone, it’s ok to laugh out loud. No one else will know our secrets, or share in our guilty pleasures of the misfortunes of others. Enjoy; we’re in for a fun ride.


-GOAT